1. When Boondocking do not listen to Google Maps. This will take you about 50 miles out on a gravel road to your ‘destination’.
2. Always Inspect the shitter before making a purchase. We arrived at our first destination and we had a whole load of someone elses crap to deal with.
3. Don’t trust Google any more than you would a fart. Office hours listed are not always accurate and will have you at a campground that is closed and you have to find other reservations.
4. Thunderstorms and hail in a travel trailer sound like Jesus himself is going to come back that night and take your soul. Brace yourself. When it rains it barks.
5. Flies. Flies will have you saying words in languages you never thought you knew. They are here and they will find you.
6. Instapots will become your best friend but if you rush into it and don’t read the instructions you may set off a fire alarm.
7. Always remember to flush your water lines. Not even a Scentsy pot can mask the pure torture of that smell. It will make even the strongest of men weak in the knees.
8. When in doubt just throw it out. Less is more. If it’s not being used it goes to the curb and no this doesn’t mean your husband. Sorry Karen.
9. Slowwwwww Doooowwwnn. This is your new life now and you need to sit sometimes. Varicose veins will love you at that speed but you will thank me later.
10. Some campsites are tourists traps. “Welcome to your $100 stay now would you like to enjoy the $100 train ride?” If you have kids this becomes a very interesting trap. Save the grey hairs and research ahead.
11. Overstock your food. Especially if you have children. They will require more food now that their average mph has gone up.
12. Be prepared. You could have a leak, a tear, flat tire, or need first aide. Just have it all the time. You never know when life will decide to throw a wrench and duck tape doesn’t always work.
13. Singing loudly in the showers and talking back and forth with your child really creeps out your neighbors in their stall.
14. When your boy child learns that it’s okay to pee in a lake make sure you say the part where they must sit down to do that.
15. You will now buy more shampoo and body washes than ever before for every person in your family . That is unless you like hearing pass the soap while showering.
16. People think you are rich now. Wabam . That happened overnight.
17. Keep an eye on your sway bars and keep them put up. Ours ran away and ended up down the road.
18. Lighting a pilot light on these personal pan pizza ovens may cause all the hairs on your arm to burn off.
19. Most travel trailers are not made for tall people. Hello daily concussion.
20. 2 weeks is equal to 2 months in the full-time travel world. Don’t ask me how I don’t make the rules.